Do not be friends with an angry man... Proverbs 22:24 (paraphrase)
I spent a lot of time angry in my life. Angry about work, angry about home, angry at traffic, angry at me.
I had a temper. I used to fly off the handle and yell about stuff at home. I'd stew about things at work. It was troubling.
I've cooled down a lot. Age does that, but also experience. But when reading Proverbs (again) I finally paused on some of the verses about anger, and Proverbs 22:24 blew cold wind all through my heart and soul.
I always wondered why I didn't want to get together with people other than my family. It seemed like they didn't like me, couldn't get anything out of me, had no use for me. So I returned the sentiment. I would be alone as much as possible. With a wife and four children that was challenging at times, but the shiftwork helped.
Monday, March 4, 2019
Thursday, February 28, 2019
Miss my older children now
I was cooking dinner for me and my youngest child who is 17. I was preparing things and enjoying a glass of wine (one glass only!). I remember when I used to do this for our oldest children when they were little, then for our youngest boys when they were little.
It's fun to see them all growing up and becoming successful adults but I miss those time. It's fun to think about those times, to remember the joy of caring for them, but it made me mist up a little.
I guess that's part of being a parent. I poured as much of myself into my children as I could while pursuing my career and keeping my relationship with my wife. Yes, I missed things, yes I got upset at awkward times, but I taught and taught and taught and lived and did things with them and enjoyed being with them. And I miss my older children now.
It's fun to see them all growing up and becoming successful adults but I miss those time. It's fun to think about those times, to remember the joy of caring for them, but it made me mist up a little.
I guess that's part of being a parent. I poured as much of myself into my children as I could while pursuing my career and keeping my relationship with my wife. Yes, I missed things, yes I got upset at awkward times, but I taught and taught and taught and lived and did things with them and enjoyed being with them. And I miss my older children now.
Monday, February 25, 2019
Driving the boat
I remember going out on the Gulf of Mexico with my father and a friend of good one Saturday when I was 14 it so. While the friend was in the back cleaning things up after a full day of fishing my dad let me drive the boat. We were going full speed and I was supposed to keep it between the big pylons that guide boats to the port.
Somehow I aimed the boat in a way that we were running full speed outside the channel. I was focused on the next two pylons and Dad and I shared a few minutes of carefree fun with the wind blowing in our hair and the sun setting behind us.
Then the guy looked up and freaked out! He started swearing and saying we were out if the channel and probably in about 5 feet of water and could wreck at any moment. He slammed the throttle down so we instantly dropped speed, looked around the boat, then slowly got us back in the channel.
That feeling of embarrassment comes over me every once in a while. The fear of being outside the channel froze me for a long time, and still makes me cautious. But I've learned to get past it.
Somehow I aimed the boat in a way that we were running full speed outside the channel. I was focused on the next two pylons and Dad and I shared a few minutes of carefree fun with the wind blowing in our hair and the sun setting behind us.
Then the guy looked up and freaked out! He started swearing and saying we were out if the channel and probably in about 5 feet of water and could wreck at any moment. He slammed the throttle down so we instantly dropped speed, looked around the boat, then slowly got us back in the channel.
That feeling of embarrassment comes over me every once in a while. The fear of being outside the channel froze me for a long time, and still makes me cautious. But I've learned to get past it.
Thursday, February 21, 2019
Celebrate anyways
We planned a trip to Hawaii a couple of years ago to celebrate some major life accomplishments: our 30th wedding anniversary, my daughter earning her Bachelor's degree, and my son/third child graduating high school.
My daughter couldn't make it due to work. The day after graduation she moved to Pennsylvania to take on a camp director role that she was hired for back in January. Summer camp is in full swing and she just couldn't get away.
But we are celebrating anyways! Over the years what I've learned is that celebrations are important, and sometimes need to happen every if someone can't make it. My daughter is a case in point, but my father is another one to think about. He passed away back in April, and while he couldn't have made the trip due to his illness and can't celebrate with us now we are still celebrating.
So many times I've allowed a celebration to be derailed by not being into it, not wanting the hassle, thinking that it wasn't appropriate. Oh, I'm sad that I missed those opportunities to celebrate!
So when you get a chance to celebrate something make the effort. It brings joy to you and those around you, and hopefully your world a better place as it does for me.
My daughter couldn't make it due to work. The day after graduation she moved to Pennsylvania to take on a camp director role that she was hired for back in January. Summer camp is in full swing and she just couldn't get away.
But we are celebrating anyways! Over the years what I've learned is that celebrations are important, and sometimes need to happen every if someone can't make it. My daughter is a case in point, but my father is another one to think about. He passed away back in April, and while he couldn't have made the trip due to his illness and can't celebrate with us now we are still celebrating.
So many times I've allowed a celebration to be derailed by not being into it, not wanting the hassle, thinking that it wasn't appropriate. Oh, I'm sad that I missed those opportunities to celebrate!
So when you get a chance to celebrate something make the effort. It brings joy to you and those around you, and hopefully your world a better place as it does for me.
Monday, February 18, 2019
Bastardizing the english language
My mom said I may be a "little OCD". That's a mental illness!
She's 76 years old so I didn't want to argue with her. But it offends me to think that I am seen to have mental illness.
She also used the phrase "work wife" when talking about a lady my father worked with. I got rather upset about it and asked her not to use that phrase anymore.
Words mean things, and when we water down the meaning in an attempt to be cute or clever it reduces the impact of the words.
Mental illness is nothing to laugh at, though a lot of comedy focuses on it. Sheldon from "Big Bang Theory" comes to mind, as well as movies like "Liar, Liar" and others.
I wish our pop culture didn't bastardize the English language so much. But with all of the single mothers, test tube babies, and divorces even saying that doesn't mean what it used to mean. In fact it might be taken as something positive and liberal-minded...
She's 76 years old so I didn't want to argue with her. But it offends me to think that I am seen to have mental illness.
She also used the phrase "work wife" when talking about a lady my father worked with. I got rather upset about it and asked her not to use that phrase anymore.
Words mean things, and when we water down the meaning in an attempt to be cute or clever it reduces the impact of the words.
Mental illness is nothing to laugh at, though a lot of comedy focuses on it. Sheldon from "Big Bang Theory" comes to mind, as well as movies like "Liar, Liar" and others.
I wish our pop culture didn't bastardize the English language so much. But with all of the single mothers, test tube babies, and divorces even saying that doesn't mean what it used to mean. In fact it might be taken as something positive and liberal-minded...
Thursday, January 31, 2019
My Desired Feelings
For a long time I thought that to be successful I had to achieve the goals they talked about in mass media. A certain amount of money coming in every month, owning and doing specific things, looking certain ways. It made me a grumpy man because I failed and failed and failed. And every failure was measurable.
About 3 years ago I stumbled across a YouTube video by Danielle Laporte. In it she talked about her Desire Map planner and how shifting from striving to achieve goals to striving to feel certain ways could improve my life. I thought it was the biggest bunch of new age hogwash I had ever heard!
After stepping back I evaluated it again because she is a very engaging speaker. After listening a few more times and reading more about her I thought through the idea of focusing on how I want to feel and liked the vibe so I gave it a tumble. It improved my life!
I went from beating myself up because I had failed again to acknowledging the successful choices I had made that day/week/month. I "felt" successful. And this shift from the negative to positive helped me change other things in my life. Soon the momentum of my attitude changed and I was happier, more pleasant, willing to try new things in my effort to feel certain ways. I began to grow again instead of staying angry and shriveled up. And I continue to benefit from this shift today.
My desired feelings for the past two years have been: Healthy, Useful, Progressing, Giving, and Ready.
Healthy - I'm tired of chasing after numbers generated from someone else. Instead of trying to lose I am trying to feel good, so I've changed my diet, my activity levels, and my habits in my pursuit of this healthy feeling. And it's working - I feel healthier!
Useful - As a white male I have been bypassed a lot at my job while people with other skills and attributes have been promoted. At my church I was left out because I was an unknown and not part of the "in" crowd. So I wanted to pursue feeling "useful". This change in mindset has given me the freedom to feel better about a lot of things in my job and in my life. And I've been able to get involved in things at church that are different for me but they make me feel very useful.
Progressing - On the back side of middle age I don't want to stagnate and feel like I have "arrived", I want to feel like I am learning and growing in knowledge and understanding. So I have purchased some online courses and started new ventures in my effort to "progress".
Giving - For the majority of my life I felt obligated to give to certain things. It never felt right but I did it. I have made an effort to find things to give specifically to and it made a world of difference in the way I felt about giving. I try to keep it anonymous as much as possible which has helped. Woohoo!
Ready - I learned as a scout leader to "be prepared". I'm not a prepper but I try to keep things ready so I can reduce decisions, speed up processes, and handle whatever comes up. This has helped me feel at times like I could take on anything and come out OK.
Though she can be a little "woo-woo" when she starts talking about stars and the goddess Danielle Laporte has helped me. Check her out at http://www.daniellelaporte.com/.
About 3 years ago I stumbled across a YouTube video by Danielle Laporte. In it she talked about her Desire Map planner and how shifting from striving to achieve goals to striving to feel certain ways could improve my life. I thought it was the biggest bunch of new age hogwash I had ever heard!
After stepping back I evaluated it again because she is a very engaging speaker. After listening a few more times and reading more about her I thought through the idea of focusing on how I want to feel and liked the vibe so I gave it a tumble. It improved my life!
I went from beating myself up because I had failed again to acknowledging the successful choices I had made that day/week/month. I "felt" successful. And this shift from the negative to positive helped me change other things in my life. Soon the momentum of my attitude changed and I was happier, more pleasant, willing to try new things in my effort to feel certain ways. I began to grow again instead of staying angry and shriveled up. And I continue to benefit from this shift today.
My desired feelings for the past two years have been: Healthy, Useful, Progressing, Giving, and Ready.
Healthy - I'm tired of chasing after numbers generated from someone else. Instead of trying to lose I am trying to feel good, so I've changed my diet, my activity levels, and my habits in my pursuit of this healthy feeling. And it's working - I feel healthier!
Useful - As a white male I have been bypassed a lot at my job while people with other skills and attributes have been promoted. At my church I was left out because I was an unknown and not part of the "in" crowd. So I wanted to pursue feeling "useful". This change in mindset has given me the freedom to feel better about a lot of things in my job and in my life. And I've been able to get involved in things at church that are different for me but they make me feel very useful.
Progressing - On the back side of middle age I don't want to stagnate and feel like I have "arrived", I want to feel like I am learning and growing in knowledge and understanding. So I have purchased some online courses and started new ventures in my effort to "progress".
Giving - For the majority of my life I felt obligated to give to certain things. It never felt right but I did it. I have made an effort to find things to give specifically to and it made a world of difference in the way I felt about giving. I try to keep it anonymous as much as possible which has helped. Woohoo!
Ready - I learned as a scout leader to "be prepared". I'm not a prepper but I try to keep things ready so I can reduce decisions, speed up processes, and handle whatever comes up. This has helped me feel at times like I could take on anything and come out OK.
Though she can be a little "woo-woo" when she starts talking about stars and the goddess Danielle Laporte has helped me. Check her out at http://www.daniellelaporte.com/.
Monday, November 12, 2018
Why I'm writing
I remember a movie about a columnist out in LA or something where he just shared his life with his readers and how things went with that. It was a good movie.
I see so much vitriol and hatred in the comments of simple YouTube videos and how people use the anonymity of the Internet to hide as they drop all their inhibitions and say vile things that echo and grow into actual violence against others.
The online world is a cacophony of so much, so I throw my little efforts in hoping I can help someone as they stumble around looking for something to thump their nerve.
I see so much vitriol and hatred in the comments of simple YouTube videos and how people use the anonymity of the Internet to hide as they drop all their inhibitions and say vile things that echo and grow into actual violence against others.
The online world is a cacophony of so much, so I throw my little efforts in hoping I can help someone as they stumble around looking for something to thump their nerve.
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