Growing up I was taught a lot of things that I've discovered needed adjusting.
I was taught that whatever you go out in public somebody was waiting
to steal your stuff. That's why we have to lock her car doors, have
to be careful wherever we go, and all of that. My parents were very
concerned about pickpockets and all the evils in a crowd so to this
day I carry my wallet in my front pocket instead of in the back where
many other guys carry theirs.
Over the years I've learned that not everybody is out to get me even
though that's what I thought. I've learned that there's not that many
people that steal things, but there are some. I remember as an adult
having a person at our house my dad was very concerned about if I
could trust that person and how I knew I could or could not. I
explained to him that I didn't know if I can trust them but that I was
going to try. Then he asked what if they steal from you? And I told
him that was the beauty of it I had put on a $20 bill on the kitchen
counter in a place where it was kinda visible but not obvious that I
was just watching to see if it disappeared. And if it did then I
could ask questions and learn something. He never brought it up
again.
I was taught that I had to always wear shoes and socks. Especially
out in the yard because we didn't want to get worms in your feet and
we didn't want to get other things that will affect your body I've
learned that going barefoot is okay and is actually kind of fun. I've
gotten to where I wear these sandals that are just like going around
in bare feet and it's amazing!
Another one: Anybody coming to the door is probably a salesman or a
Jehovah's Witness.
Not true! It depends on what you've cultivated and encouraged.
Technically we don't get a lot of people coming to our door, but
because we do hold small groups in our home we get people coming to
our door that are not salespeople or Jehovah's Witnesses and sometimes
when you get one of those it can be an adventure.
I'm not saying that the things that I was taught don't work, I've
just had to adjust because they paralyzed me for so long. I would go
out and when I went to an event or church service or a dinner I would
constantly be on guard and angry because I was vulnerable. The anger
was fueled by so much stress that had been built into me.
I continue to work through all of this now. And the progress is
coming along, at times I slip fall back into that thinking again.
Daily I guess nowadays they call it catastrophizing or something.
Anything that happens could become the worst thing that ever happened!
That's actually helped me over the years but also hurt me.
I remember we had a sinkhole-like thing in our backyard. The kids came
in and told me about it and I got all upset. I went out and looked at
it with its proximity to the septic tanks all I could envision was
this great big sinkhole like what you see on the news from Florida
opening up and swallowing our house. And I talked about it that way!
And I fretted until we filled the hole and it didn't get any bigger.
Funny now, but that weekend was not much fun for me. It was a short
weekend so that wasn't much fun.
I learned a lot of good things from my parents. And I'm working
through the things that were not quite as helpful as they may have
thought they would be.
