My mom told me in my 50s "you're probably somewhere on the spectrum".
This was after watching several Oprah Winfrey shows about autism.
I've never been diagnosed with autism. I've never been told that I am
neurodivergent, though I have been told that I'm thinking wrong many
times.
I don't act like the autistic people that I've seen through my life.
So, I took the comment as not valid, and yet it echoes in my head
still. When I read articles about neurodivergent people being assets
to companies and how they can increase productivity and be creative in
ways that neurotypical people are not creative, I perk up and take
notice, but I also wonder, what was she thinking?
And why would she say such a thing and put such a label on me? My
mother has put other labels on me like "you have OCD" and "you're anal
retentive". She said these things during a time when they were a very
popular talk-show subjects. She watches a lot of video entertainment
so probably picked up the ideas there.
The crowning comment is when my wife and I were helping her after a
surgery and she said that she was "learning that people that look like
you can do nice things". I had a beard and mustache and was growing my
hair out long at the time.
She had commented several times in the weeks leading up to that that
it would be nice if I would shave and why didn't I shave like other
people do and people that shave look nice and clean. I haven't shaved
my face in seven years. I keep the beard neatly trimmed and it's not
unwieldy.
I explained to her multiple times that I don't like shaving because I
don't like to cut myself. Almost every time that I shave my face I cut
somewhere on my chin typically right on the middle of it and it hurts.
Sometimes I'll cut myself in other parts of my face when I shave my
face. I shave my neck on a regular basis usually twice a week and I
don't cut my neck. It's not an issue down there.
As my mother gets older, she acts a lot more like her mother. That was
something she asked me to warn her about if she ever started doing it,
but I know that it would be hurtful for me to tell her that she was
acting like her mother.
So I don't. And I take the hits and just keep rolling even though they
continue to echo in my head.
#personal
