Recently I've been going through something emotionally that triggers a lot of anger. It's a painful thing and the anger is a reaction to the pain.
But as time has gone by I've tossed and turned this thing in my brain over and over and I've gone down trying to get deeper and deeper into it to see what is it that hurts? Where is the thorn? All this pain and inflammation and negative energy and I couldn't figure out where the thorn was.
Recently I've been thinking of it as free diving. I know that's silly but I would take a deep breath and I would go in and I'd feel the anger and the hurt and the sadness and angst and I'd feel the reaction bubbling up again and it was like free diving next to a volcano.
The waters were alternately warm and cold but as I got closer to whatever it was that I was reacting to they were hot and I never could get close enough but I think I finally did it.
Freediving near a volcano is such a visual image to me. It captures what I've been going through. And I think I've finally found the thorn or the root of my reaction. That's a good thing because now I can accept it and start dealing with the actual thing instead of having to deal with the fallout from getting upset about it again. Which I've done several times.
But freediving near a volcano is one of those adult things that a lot of people don't seem to like to do. I tend to do it because I would prefer to complete the picture rather than turn away and leave an unfinished puzzle.
It's nice to finally make some progress on this. Hopefully I'll be able to let time heal the wound, if I can get this thorn out and move on. But as always, the scar will remain and I'll remember it and be careful not to put my self in that spot.
+++
