Quoting the freaks ~

One of the fascinating aspects as I get older that I've learned is that we quote a lot of people that just up and disappeared and went into private. People that became hermits, people that isolated themselves from others, people that kept their distance from the hoi polloi.



I remember when I went to the Van Gogh experience, it was amazing to see his art and to learn about how he did it, but he did it mostly while he was in a sanitarium. And he cut off his ear, his own ear!



I remember looking at my mother and my wife and asking, "Why do we celebrate these people? Why do we look up to these people that are crazy?" It's similar with quotes, so many of the memes that we see are nice little sayings and quotes from speeches and people's writings, but a lot of those people went into the woods and didn't come out for a long time, or they were in jail and they wrote these things from jail, kind of like the Bible, but not exactly.



I just find it fascinating how we celebrate these people that isolate themselves and then pronounce their judgments on everybody. But then people look down on somebody like me who doesn't want to be around people that often. They warn to make sure to socialize and be with people.



Well, I socialize just fine. I think these people socialized just fine, but I also think that their quiet contemplation helped clarify some things in their minds and they were able to capture it. And that's why we like to quote and read and enjoy them and what they did.



Interesting thing to think about.



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Fill in the space ~

One of the things that drives me crazy is to be in a group where when the group is going into a building or room the first person in the group stops as soon as they get in the door and everyone else has to go around them to get into the room.



I run into this a lot! People will walk in the door and start talking to someone else in the room while I'm coming in behind them. I'm left hanging out in the hallway or worse right in the middle of the door where all the other people in the area want to get through. It's embarrassing and it's frustrating so I make a dash around the person that I'm with to go around them to get into the room or building and then find somewhere unobtrusive to stand or sit while I wait.



I guess it's part of my desire to not get in other people's way. That's the driver. But it gets painful sometimes because often there's nowhere to go and I'm stuck in the doorway and people behind me are saying excuse me and can I get through here and the person in front of me is absorbed in whatever they're looking for or trying to find a seat or something.



I ran into this a lot when we went on a recent trip overseas. We went with a group of 20+ people. And over half of them were hearing-impaired or deaf. And so there were interpreters on the trip. When we would go into a room the interpreters would set up at the front and then the deaf people would all find a place to stand right where they could see the interpreter. Being one of the hearing people I brought up the rear and usually got left behind everybody. To the point that halfway into the trip everybody would pile into the room that we were in for a guide to tell us about something and there would be nowhere for me to get in to the room. Or if I could get into the room I couldn't see what everybody else was seeing because they had all taken central seats so that they could see the interpreter. I could see the empty seats beyond them where they could have seen everything just fine. But because they walked into the room and stopped because they had a good view where they were and everybody else filtered around him I didn't have anywhere to go. It became quite frustrating toward the end of the trip.



I ran into this with my kids. I tried to teach them as they were growing up not to do that walk in a doorway and just stop if you're with the group. I don't know how successful I was but all they lived in my house they got out of the way. And they made room for others.



I guess it's the conscientiousness thing. I know that when I'm in a group I'm not alone and so I try to look out for the rest of the group and I try to make room for the rest of the group even if that means I get the crappy seat. It's all about that being satisfied with second-best. It's a hard lesson in our society and not a lot of people accept it but it's in the Bible and it's in one of my favorite verses. The verse goes on to say and above all wear love, It's your all-purpose garment!



So while I get frustrated and my face shows it I still love. And I'm still thankful. Just think about the people behind you and make room.

Do You Love Me ~

One of the challenging things that I've had to deal with over the past few years and recently is a question that my mother asked me. She was in the midst of a challenging situation and apparently wasn't getting her desired response and so she asked me bluntly, "Do you even love me?"



The question hurt me deeply. It's been asked a couple of times and it hurt deeply each time. But as I get some distance from it I have a couple of thoughts.



I can't control the way anybody else feels. I can influence and I can set the stage but they choose to feel however they feel.



This was a hard lesson I had to learn because I was taught growing up that things were good or bad and you felt good or bad based on what you were doing and what kind of day it was and whether or not the weather was good or bad.



If your horoscope for your zodiac sign said that you were going to have a bad day, then you tended to have a bad day because you were already programmed for it. It's funny they never say that, but in the negative environment I grew up in, it felt like that's what they said.



I chose to feel like that when it didn't say I was going to go out and conquer the world. The question "do you even love me" was said in a tone that communicated doubt. And that's what hurt me the most.



I was in the middle of giving time, money, leave and effort, gifts and touch, and my love was being questioned. When she asked me that question the first time I was very upset. It was a very calm situation and it felt like a punch in the gut.



The most recent time she asked that question and expressed doubt in my love for her, I was angry at being left out of something. It still felt like a punch in the gut. Like a stab to my heart. I love my mother, but as an adult, I've learned that she wasn't right about a lot of things and a lot of my negative tendencies were taught to me. I will continue to love my mother, and the love hasn't changed.



Sadly, I fear that anything that I do will be viewed as a reduction in love. And that's on her, not on me.



Thinking about it, I'm in good company. Jesus asked Peter, "Do you love me?"



He asked the question three times and the lesson that I get from preachers and articles and books is that it was a focusing question and that it hurt Peter deeply but he went on to do what he needed to do without Jesus around.



Jesus asked the question of God, why have you forsaken me? It's not quite the same but it's similar. God had not, but it felt that way. Jesus went through the anguish of not feeling loved for us.



I'm not Jesus, I'm not Peter, and I'm not God. But I take heart in their examples and will go through this anguish doing what I need to do. Challenging!



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GOAT symbolism ~

It's fascinating to think about symbols, especially as a Christian. One of the symbols that I've been thinking about lately is the "greatest of all time" symbol.



More and more I'm seeing that broken down into the word GOAT, like an acronym. I'm starting to see the goats head symbol more and more on things that I didn't really expect to see them.



Not a satanic thing, it's just marketers and businesses trying to get your attention by saying that they're celebrating the greatest of all time or they're encouraging the greatest of all time or whatever.



Sometimes it is the Satanic symbol. In today's woke societal efforts, it's become fashionable to go against Christian thinking and morals. And the ultimate way to do that is to go with Satan. At least that's what some people believe.



And so they put up Satanic symbols or get a tattoo that reminds you of something that a Satanic cult might have. What they don't seem to understand is the actual opposite of faith in Jesus would be unbelief. I've long thought that the devil has been using symbols and marketing to to corrupt them and turn them into things of his own to bring glory to him instead of glory to God.



And the whole "greatest of all time" thing is one of them. Sports was pure and just focused on the game and then it became all about the individual and that individual's performance and then remixing individuals into ultra high performing teams that never existed.



But they exist on paper, in private, online leagues. And of course, everybody argues about who the greatest of all time is, and businesses pump out that the greatest of all time is here, and news organizations report on somebody possibly becoming the greatest of all time. And let's all be goats!



But Jesus taught something different. Christianity believes in the Lamb of God and his teaching: Humble and put yourself second and put others before you. One of my favorite verses even talks about how Christians should be happy with second place.



So the goat versus the lamb. The lamb symbol is soft and weak and stupid and now after many years, in some circles, considered a sexual preference, which is vulgar but people joke about it and making fun of others that they don't consider the greatest of all time.



But the goat versus the lamb. Maybe that's why I'm not into competition and sports and comparing performance notes and arguing about who's better at what.



But I am. I prefer the lamb. I'm not very good at it, but that's the team I choose. I'm glad I was chosen to be on that team! I don't have to beat anybody else to be on that team, I just want everybody to join me on the Lamb's team.



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M is for mister ~

I remember a time at work where I was required to send a thank-you letter to the French consulate from my federal government office. I was a junior guy and I had no idea what I was doing. I was in the quality assurance office and was working to review incidents that happened in the system.



I had gotten involved with the printing of a newsletter using the printing office that our agency had. That was an experience in and of itself, but I learned that not all offices worked the same and they all had different budgets.



As I worked to come up with a thank-you letter for these French people that had come and toured our facility, I had no idea what to say in the letter. I worked with my boss and got some wording down for the letter.



Then I actually had to look up how to refer to a French person with the concept of Mr. and Mrs. I learned that in French, M stood for Mr. or Mrs. You could then go from there. I used that in my letter and in the stuff that I included in the package that we sent to the air traffic people that were involved in the tour that they had taken with us.



It's funny now when I get emails from a French speaking company that is either spamming me or sending me emails that I legitimately signed up for and it has M Holly on it. I think of what I learned back in the early 1990s and how M. stands for Monsieur or mister in English.



Fun stuff!

Riding bikes ~

I remember when my family moved from the Air Force Base that we lived on to a place out in the woods when my dad retired from the military. It was a big move because he had offers for two good positions, but because he didn't want to be separated from his family or didn't want to raise us in a big metropolitan city he chose to retire.



I've always appreciated that but I do remember being very sad because I went from being able to ride my bicycle everywhere on sidewalks to having to ride in our dirt driveway and very short concrete driveway where the car was parked.



I went from riding my bicycle with baskets on either side of the rear wheel to school to having to walk down our long dirt driveway to the two-lane road and then walk down the two-lane road a ways to the corner of it and another two lane road and wait for the bus early in the morning and walk all that distance back when it dropped me off in the afternoons, rain or shine.



I went from being able to ride my bicycle to the Jiffy store at the back end of the base to get comic books and cokes and bubblegum with my friends to playing with my brother all the time. Dad put up a basketball goal out in our dirt driveway we would go out there and get filthy with the sandy, dirty sand on the basketball. It was wobbly so it didn't work really well. And my brother was younger than me and so he would always cry when I beat him or yell that I cheated or something. Which I usually did, but that's beside the point.



I remember as I got older my parents allowed us to start riding our bicycles out on the two-lane road, but not very far. The closest Jiffy store was five miles away and my mom said we would not be able to ride that far and then ride back. I was ready to try but I also knew that sounded like a really long distance.



But we did get to where we would ride our bicycles up and down the two-lane road and pick up beer cans for the aluminum. We would crush them and save them in garbage bags. Every few months mom and dad would take us to the recycling place and we'd get a couple of dollars for our aluminum cans.



One time I think I got $10 which was amazing. We'd save our money for the toy store so we could buy something the next time we were taken to the toy store.



I love where I grew up but that transition from living on base as a kid to having my wings clipped and having to worry about snakes and trucks and crazy people was a hard transition.



But I survived it.



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Enjoying our convertable ~

I recently bought a two seat vehicle. It's a convertible and it's a lot of fun. One of the challenges in it is the stereo system. My stereo experience in my vehicles has always been important to me since my teenage driving years.



I always enjoyed the surround sound experience from being able to move the fader to the back and crank the music up so that I could really experience the sound. In this two seater, there are only front speakers and so there is no fader.



My experience has been different in this car. I love the music and I still crank it up, even with the top down. But it feels different because the sound isn't behind me, pushing me forward. It's weird in a good way.



But it's also different and something I'm adjusting to. Silly, I know, but it's something that's different about having a two seater. I imagine if I had a pickup truck with no back seat, I'd experience the same thing, although from what I've seen, they put speakers in the back of those, too.



And it's fun putting the top down and being able to hear everything around me, including the birds and the motor sounds and the other sounds happening around me.



Fun!



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