For a long time I felt like I was in a three-legged race in several things. Family things. With things. Church things.
Then I would find out that the people I thought I was doing these things with didn't see it that way and had left me out. In many cases they had no idea how my commitment worked and just didn't even think about me. In some cases it was a very purposeful thing.
In all of these cases I'm being vague about it hurt me deeply..I felt betrayed..I felt left out. I felt like I wasn't even thought of let alone considered.
I was often encouraged to express my feelings, but when I did and explained why I felt them things usually got worse.
I've learned through those experiences to just keep my feelings and explanations to myself when I can. Life is easier this way. And I know that God saw it and will take care of me.
Still challenging, though. After a life of living under the gun and on the edge easing back from expressing myself is challenging. But I'm trying...
+++
