No longer afraid that way

I grew up afraid of lots of things - pick pockets, eye injury, murder, theft, dislike, new places, and many other calamities.

I carry a small card wallet in my front pocket to this day. Why? My parents taught me that there were pick pockets everywhere and that they could steal my wallet from my back pocket without me even knowing it. While I had a normal-sized wallet I would move it to my front pocket of I went anywhere new. I felt like a dork. So I eventually got a business card wallet and put my driver's license and debit card in it. I would keep that wallet in my right front pocket and my cash in my left front pocket.

I loved to mow when I was a teenager. We had a long driveway and I would get out there in the middle of the day to get the most tan from the sun; I would almost always come in sun burnt. Mom said that mowers throw stuff and something fly up and poke me in the eye so I should wear sun glasses. So after mowing I would look like a reverse raccoon. I don't do that anymore. Still have both eyes.

We watched the 6 o'clock news every night when I was growing up. That way Mom and Dad could be informed and know what was going on. They would tsk at the stories of theft.

Most out of character thing I've done

Sang in the Variations in college.

I wanted to spend time with my girlfriend (now wife).

The only stage experience I had was in school plays where I stood there wishing we were done.

By the end of the college school year I was able to sing a solo backed up by a friend playing guitar. I sang the John Denver song "You Fill Up My Senses". It was glorious!

Make-up on women

It's so hard to see women cover their faces with layers of makeup.

I'm married to a beautiful woman who naturally beautiful. She uses very little makeup and when she does she applies very quickly and keeps moving. She does not start at her neck and go all the way up to the middle of her head. Instead, she applies a little bit of cover up under her eyes and maybe a little bit of blush to her cheeks in that spot. Sometimes you put on eyeliner and eyeshadow, but otherwise not very much.

I like it that way! That way when I go to kiss her she doesn't know who will and tell me don't touch you to mess up my makeup. We can do this! It's great and sloppy and fun!

But I see these women on Facebook that I knew in high school and I thought were so cute and they were caked on their face. I saw women at the football game last week at the high school with cake on their face. And while their skin looks smooth with the cake makeup on their face and their coloring is awesome you can see the line where it stops. See the layers in how much is on there. And some women wear so much the they look like they're wearing a mask, which they are!

I really wish that more women would just go with their natural look or as natural as possible. And let their beauty shine!

On the natural thing is always funny looking at the makeup it's in magazines. So many of them talk about get that natural look with your makeup and they show this woman the looks very healthy and shiny but is obviously wearing plenty of makeup to make herself look that way.

I just think it's funny. And I think that more women should stick with the way they look underneath so that everyone around them can see their natural wholesomeness and beauty instead of seeing the products that they spent a lot of money on and a lot of time smearing all over their skin. That they just gonna smear remover on so that they can take it off their skin at night.

Mosaic of events

As I get older I understand more and more that there are no solid things but everything is made up of groupings of things.

Like cool art where you can see these squares of colors hanging from the ceiling but when looked at from a distance it looks like a picture, our bodies, our work lives, and our families are a lot like those pictures. Moments and individuals grouped together to form this beautiful whole

How I make people feel

I've heard this phrase a lot from speakers lately: People won't remember what you say but they will remember how you make them feel.

While I disagree with the sentiment I can see it could be that way for a lot of people. I can't remember any of Bob Hope's specific jokes but I do remember that he made me feel like he cared about me and the rest of the audience. So many of the comedians and entertainers I have seen have been uproariously funny but I don't remember exactly what they said. Even in church, where this phrase seems to have taken hold, I don't remember specific sermon points but I remember the energy and guilt/positivity/whatever that was expressed and how it made me feel.

It seems like it is a play on how the brain works. We can go through something that is extremely painful but years later all we remember is that it hurt but we made it.

Smoking comes to mind. I've never smoked, but from what I've read and been told is that it is a horrible experience of coughing and gagging the first time, but the chemicals that hit brain from whatever is being smoked make you feel great so you want more despite the bad feelings it brings. As your body gets used to harsh stuff it becomes numb and the brain drives us to get more of that in us.

So if we can figure out how to make people feel good about something they'll want more of it. Give them a positive experience that builds them up. Help them feel like they are worth more than they think of themselves, even for a few minutes, and you've got them. Hmmm

So that got me wondering: How do I make people feel? I try to be a good listener, which people seem to enjoy. I ask questions and get them talking, sharing some about others or myself to keep the conversation going.

I don't think I made my kids feel very good. So when they have the bad memories they don't desire to be around me. Hmmm

At work I strive to stay positive and upbeat even though there are so many challenges around me and my people. Less resources, more work, less experience to draw from, different attitudes and actions from the newer people in our workforce all contribute to a lot of negativity. But I try to bring a ray of happy puzzle solving to what we are doing there. It seems to help, I have more people around me than when I see my peers. Weird.

After mulling this over for several weeks I've set a goal to try my best to make people feel focused on and worthy, to feel like they are doing good and not in trouble. Should be a good challenge.

Tired of New York

One of the things that bothers me is that so many of the ideas and advice columns and styles and all of these other things that drive and shape the society that I live in come from New York.

Even at work, what we do in air traffic control more often than not is driven by and supports the New York market.

But I'm listening to a book by an author that goes and tells stories at Moth events in New York City. And he talks about all the things that you see in New York City. And all the people that you can meet in New York City.

Bah! I'm disgusted. Who do they think they are up there that they drive the entire society? Or at least try to? Right down here where I live is where my life happens. And while yeah there are artists and people and things that emanated out from the New York City market there's a lot around me that emanated from right here.

I grew up in Florida. Central Florida. North of Orlando and south of I-10. South of Gainesville. You get the idea. We were right in the middle of the state. And when I was going to middle school and high school I grew up in this area. Most of the people that I grew up around were either from Central Florida or from the Northeast, more often than not somewhere in the state of New York.

This mix of people that I grew up with caused me to not have a southern accent except when I said y'all. And whenever I would go to training classes or events with my employer the people from around the country could never please me because I didn't have the southern accent that most people from Georgia have.

But so much of what we do is dictated to us by these people that live all smooshed together and get on each other's nerves and walk around trying to impress each other with being so different from each other that it disgusts me. I'm saddened that these people that I will never know that move around in the city that is infested with rats and all the dirty things that come with humans living in close proximity with each other. It's just disappointing that they drive so much of what I have to deal with. And what I do. And how I think. And what I have to react to

Although on that subject of learning that I don't have to react any of that at all. I choose what I react to more often than not as I get older. In the past, dripping hormones out of my pores. I would react almost everything. Someone would pull up beside me at a traffic light and I would react to it but revving my engine zooming ahead of them in my full-size station wagon that my parents had me driving around them because that's the only car they could let me use. I would react to people looking at me funny but brushing my hair back to make sure that I wasn't looking bad. As I get older none of that stuff really matters and I just drive were a wanton goal the speed that matches the traffic around me for the most part and I really don't care if I look bad or not. I still care how I look but I'm not driven by all they might think less of me because I look different from them. I found my own style in my own methodology for getting from here to there. And I enjoy it!

I'm tired of the big cities driving and dictating what I and the others around me have access to.

Book fair sign

I had a happy memory come up today.

As I was driving to see my youngest son sing the national anthem a cappella before the last football game of the season and walk on senior night with him and sit in the cold with my mom and my wife watch him doing his band thing I drove by the elementary school he and my other children went to. And in the archway where kids are dropped off every morning and picked up every afternoon they had the "book fair" sign out there.

The book fair was always an exciting time for our children. They always came home and wanted to buy books. They wanted to buy the new whatever series of books they were in. I always wanted to do it in every grade in the elementary school. My wife would read to them or they would read to themselves as they got older. It was always so much fun and so exciting to see that sign.

I don't remember seeing that sign when I was growing up. I do remember getting to go to the library and check books out and what a joy it was to actually buy books and get to read them over and over. But it was fun seeing that sign today. It was fun to feel that thrill of excitement that people will be buying books and reading them and having fun with them and hopefully reading to their children instead of just parking their children in their bedroom with a book in the phone. Such a wonderful time!

I love books! And I love happy happy memories like that!