Using misdirection ~

I remember playing ping-pong in the garage with my younger brother when we were growing up. I had learned watching my dad and watching people at band camp. And even when I would see it occasionally on TV that if you wanted to fake somebody out you looked in one direction but you hit the ball in the other.

They would do that in football and baseball and basketball. So I figured out how to do that to my brother. And so I'd be looking at one corner and then I'd turn and use the paddle to hit the ball toward the other corner.

My brother was six years younger than me so it worked for a really long time. And as the oldest brother that was just such a thrill for me. It's a theme that's gone on throughout my life where I wish I could be a magician but I'm not very good at it.

But I like that misdirection so the people are all looking in one direction. And then I go in another and win. Over and over and over.

Church and the Three Musketeers ~

Sometimes I wish the church operated like the Three Musketeers more. Fiercly loyal to the king they would go to any lengths to root out and discover the cause of attacks on the king. They would support each other with understanding and defend each other to the death no matter how messed they were. The Musketeers are depicted as being sinful, sloppy until it came time to be shiny, quick with the sword as well as educated and ready to discuss topics far outside of their sphere of life. They were always training younger Musketeers and looking to recruit whoever they could.

So often in church today men don't feel welcome. We're made to sing songs about being a bride and how we long to be held by our Savior, a message that just doesn't resonate well with me in this age of wokeness and the rise of artificial support for confused individuals.

I know a man that is going through some marital issues that moved away from our church because he is living somewhere else. I've been told he feels like our church hasn't been there for him but the only reason I know about the marital issues is gossip and I don't want to provoke the guy to anger by reaching out to ask if the rumor is true.

I read a book called "Why Men Hate Going To Church" and so many of the points the author made fit our church I was surprised. I've made suggestions to try and change some of these things but because commercialized church tend to be marketed to the female consumer in the 20-40 year age range the suggestions aren't really received well.

Maybe I should start a group based on the Musketeers. Hold it around a campfire. Go on adventures in the community, though I don't know that "wenching" would go over well in a church setting.

We'll see...

Book - The Three Musketeers
https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1257

Book - Why Men Hate Going to Church
https://a.co/d/08t89onA


#book

I love Herb Alpert music ~

Ever since I heard the opening fanfare of the first song on the album "Rise" I've enjoyed Herb Alpert's music. When I was a teenager and I was joining one of those record clubs (where they send you "free" records with your agreement to buy some at full price over the next year or two) I needed something to fill out my list of 10 free records. My mother suggested Herb Alpert saying that she always enjoyed listening to the Tijuana Brass songs on the radio. I chose the album "Rise" as my last record choice. When the records came I listened to it and was blown away!

After college I drifted away from listening to his music but enjoyed reading occassional articles about his releases and his continued influence in the music industry. I was shocked when I first learned that A&M Records was founded by Herb Alpert and Jerry Moss, but as I've gotten older I've learned that it was a great thing to be a producer that helps other artists do great things. And the whole time he kept putting out great music.

After listening to him on 8-track and cassette tape, CD, and mp3 I've gotten to where I really enjoy streaming his music. I've listened to the album "Rise" in the mornings as I get ready for the day for a while now and still enjoy every song.

Herb Alpert has put out over 45 "albums" and continues to make and produce great music. He is an artist that paints, sculpts, and creates in other mediums. He is a philanthropist and supports several different causes.

If you want to try some trumpet music that spans generations and has a great beat give him a try! Here are a couple of playlists and links:

https://herbalpert.com

A&M Records:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A%26M_Records

YouTube playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLA0C66DBC2E3D59D2

Spotify playlist:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1E4wZVPum2gqrV

#music

Fully successful ~

I am a survivor.

My wife and I were at a church event this past weekend and during the lesson portion of it they talked about the scale of success that typically people find at church. It was a family ministry thing and so we were talking about caring for kids and being an inspiration for the kids and helping kids have that moment that helps them lock on to staying a Christian once they get past their teenage years or getting back involved in church once they cross from teenager to adult.

But the speaker said that there are three types of workers in family ministry especially working with children. There's the "survivor" who comes in and does what supposed to do and make sure everybody makes it home safe and that's fine.

Then there's the "succeed" who does the lesson with the kids and has the snack and keeps everything relatively in order and clean and has that moment with the kids where they have a chance to learn.

Then there's the "person of significance" who makes memories with the kids that they can lean on in the future when they start to drift away from church.

After the lesson and during a quick five-minute break I told my wife "I'm glad I'm a survivor." She got upset she and said I should try to be more than that and explained how being a survivor isn't enough. I told her that that is the very attitude that I have run into my entire life that I am tired of. I told her that's kind of like the whole apex predator thing where everybody gets hung up on the shark or the Tyrannosaurus Rex or the ultimate predator that can hunt and kill whatever. I said I'm an apex survivor - I've survived every day until today and it looks like I'm going to survive today too and I'm happy with that.

I'm thrilled to survive. But she continued she said no you should want to be more than that you should want to be significant and I explained to her that that's what echoes in my head is that I am NOT enough if I do What needs to be done in a way that is acceptable and satisfactory. That very attitude of "you didn't do enough" and "you should you should have different feelings and want to do more than enough to the point that you're significant."

It reminded me of when I was working and we had to rate our employees. I was a manager and we had a scale that we had to rate our employees on every year for their annual review of performance. The scale had four points from left to right left. The first was "needs improvement". The second notch was "fully successful". The third notch was "exceeds expectations" and the fourth notch was "significantly exceeds expectations". My employer spelled out what what each of those meant. Many of the managers that I worked with and that worked across the country rated their employees as a 4 if they just showed up for work on time and successfully completed a shift.

I was taught as an employee that I was fully successful and I was to sign the form and turn it in. I would be honest about my ratings and all the young bucks coming up were all hyped about getting the maximum raise that they could and they would get very upset with me when I would rate them a 2 .5 or even a 3.

I had one of my guys that was awesome and he exceeded expectations all the time and he got very upset when I rated him as a 3.0. exceeds expectations. He argued saying "No no I I deserve more than that" and I apologized and explained that I was rating him this way. When I told him where I needed him to improve and he actually got pissed off and went above my head two or three steps and everybody supported me. It was funny but also sad at the same time because I got my 2 .0 and I was happy. I was fully successful my entire career. That's a winning streak it. I'm not competing against anybody else. I've learned that I can't because nobody else is in my league and I'm fully successful I survived everything they could throw at me and I thrived to the point that I left on a high note on a positive with everything running the way it was supposed to. I wasn't chased out with pitchforks or under shadow of some accusations by an alien that I had discriminated against them.

And so I survived. My wife still wasn't satisfied and she thought that I should want more and I told her something that I've learned recently: I understand that you're saying that because you think you're helping me, but that does not help me. I do not accept it and I will move on now.

And I did.

Mistaken for others ~

I've been mistaken for other people most of my life. When I was growing up, people would say that I looked just like somebody else and then they'd compare the two of us. When they finally got us side by side, I didn't look anything like them.

As an adult, I changed my facial hair every couple of years. As a result, I got a lot of comments from people saying that I looked just like so-and-so or you look just like this guy I knew in high school or didn't I see you up in New York City or whatever.

I never got to see those people so I don't know how much I looked like them, but I got that a lot. One funny time when I was in an executive role at our regional office where I worked, these union thugs were in the lobby all having an impromptu meeting when I walked in going to work. At the time, I had on a goatee and glasses. One of them broke away from the crowd and came and shook my hand and said, hey, I hadn't seen you since so-and-so and isn't it great, you know, so-and-so did this and Moe did that and he was talking about New York union thugs and I just smiled and laughed and shook his hand and said, yeah, it is and then I kept walking.

He mistook me for some New York City union thug, which was hilarious. At work, I would get that comment of, well, you look just like so-and-so. Or better, the older guys would say, you remind me of so-and-so from 20 years ago.

Nowadays, I'm mistaken for other people in my life. Direct and indirect family, it's almost as if I'm considered one of them or even that person which can be detrimental to the unity in our family. My mother acts like I'm a lot like my grandfather who she did not like very much.

She even when I was growing up said that genetics must be real because I walk swinging my right foot just like my grandfather did. That being said she really doesn't share much with me and is acting as if I'm some sort of authority in her life that she has to rebel against.

That's led to some unfortunate things but that's life. I'm also compared to one of my cousins that I've seen only a handful of times in my life. He's pretty arrogant and so that comparison kind of bothers me.

And I believe that I'm actually thought of to be like a useless brother and a useless father of one of my family members. That comparison and connection has led to division and separation which is sad.

Recently, I've been learning to accept people as they are, to not have the expectations and not look for comparisons, but to accept and smile and love them. And that's what I'm endeavoring to do, even if they think that I'm somebody else.

Unpredictably consistent ~

I am one of the most consistent people that I know. When I can I find routines I stick to them.

When I was working shift work that was a challenge because my shifts were all over the place for the first half of my career and then the second half of my career they became a little more predictable but still shift work. So I would come up with ways to bring consistency to that inconsistent schedule. I picked days off that nobody else really wanted, Sunday/Monday. That way I could go to church consistently and I would have a day off that many people did not have where I could actually get things done and relax all on the same day.

My shift work was normally two or three evening shifts that started around one o 'clock and ended around 9 or 10 then two or three day shifts that started at 6 30 in the morning and ended around 2 30 in the afternoon. They would change from here to there. When I would get a 10 to 6 I would be thrilled because that meant I could sleep in a little bit and then miss all the traffic on the way home. My wife didn't really like the 10 to 6 but that was my favorite shift because I showed up and everything was already hopping, then I left while everything was so still rocking and rolling, but I had set things up so that they could survive and do their thing without me. It was a good shift.

If I could have worked straight ten to sixes I would have. But my consistency extends beyond just my shifts. When I'm confronted with wrong, I tend to get away from it. I tend to call it out also. I remember after my mother's knee surgery, her recovery went very poorly and at one point my wife and I were looking forward to just an afternoon break when my brother and his wife came down to see my mom.

When they got there, everybody said hello to mom. My wife and I got ready to walk out the door and my mom announced that we were having a meeting to discuss her future. Then she asked me for my advice.

Up until that point, she had not listened to my advice and said she felt like a teenager rebelling against an authority figure in me. All I was doing was trying to help. So she gave a preamble and then she said, "So what advice do you have for me, David?"

And I told her "I have none because you haven't listened to my advice up until this point. I'm not advising you to do anything." I said it in a very emotional way and it was not accepted very well.

I get that way at church when I'm confronted with things that I fully disagree with. I tend not to go along just to get along. And when people ignore me and treat me like I'm less than them, I respond in kind.

Unpredictable, because a lot of people don't expect that, but I was raised to be an adult and to make my own decisions, and I do. It's interesting to be unpredictably consistent. Most people don't expect somebody to actually do what they say they will do.

Most people don't even expect you to show up. More and more what I'm reading online from management gurus is most of being successful is just showing up, which I do very consistently. I can't help it if I'm rejected because other people are projecting images onto my canvas that are not me or they're looking at me and expecting something but they never express that expectation.

They just turn away when they don't get what they wanted or expected. But I continue to be me, unpredictably consistent.

Fear of pickpockets ~

When my wife and I went on a Mediterranean cruise I had some memories dredged up on the excursions.

My father had spent 20 years in the Air Force. During his time in the military he travelled to foreign countries and did lots of amazing things. And he experienced some of the bad things out there. He never said he had his pockets picked but as I got older he would always warn me about pick pockets.

As a teenager I got my driver's license at 16. This meant I carried my wallet with me every day in case I got to drive. Both my mother and my father repeatedly warned me about the dangers of pick-pockets and how carrying my wallet in my back pocket like so many people do was just an invitation to have my wallet stolen. They even encouraged me to carry my wallet in my front pants pocket so if someone tried to steal my wallet I'd feel them doing it!

All of this talk about pick-pockets instilled a deep fear of losing my wallet in me. To this day I carry a smaller wallet and keep it in my front pants pocket, though recently I've started wearing a fanny pack again and I tend to put my wallet in it.

Fast forward to our cruise. Each of our tour gudes warned that it was "pick pocket season" and they encouraged us to secure our wallets and passports from pick-pockets. They even strongly suggested that if we were carrying a backpack that we should carry it in front of our body so that no one could steal stuff out of the backpack without us seeing them trying.

While I'm glad that I am prepared for this sort of thing it still dredged up that old fear that my parents instilled in me.

Weird.