When I was growing up I enjoyed reading the comics in the newspaper. I thought the pictures were fine and the stories telling jokes and making fun of things always made me laugh when I understood them and made me smile when I didn't understand.
One of my favorite comic strips was peanuts by Charles Schultz. Charlie Brown, Linus, Lucy, Snoopy and Woodstock, and all the rest made me smile and wonder that some of the things that they said and what it all meant.
I would buy books of Peanuts cartoons when we went to the bookstore at the mall. I had a collection of several Peanuts books and I would read them over and over.
Each holiday I would enjoy watching the Peanuts special on TV whenever it would come on and we were at home. As I got older I would check the TV listing in the Sunday newspaper guide to what was coming on television that week and I would see when it was gonna be and I would actually look forward to that day so that we could eat dinner and be done in I would be there early so that we could see the special. The Great Pumpkin, the little sad looking Christmas tree, all made me feel good and gave me enjoyment.
I recently learned from a Paul Harvey "the rest of the story" episode that Charles Schulz, the artist who created and drew the Peanuts cartoons that I loved so much, suffered from shaking hands to where when he drew with pencil the lines would be irregular. He would go back over everything with a pen over and over to make the line solid and not look squiggly and haphazard.
Charles Schulz also suffered from some sort of thing in his brain that made him feel like a dark cloud was over him at all times and he was depressed and sad often. The feeling of having a dark cloud following him went on for all of his life Paul Harvey said. Just like his father suffered from.
As I heard that story I thought of all the times that life was so good for me and my family and yet I felt as if there was a dark cloud over me and I was afraid that things would fall apart and go to crap. I remember telling people when I was a teenager and older that a dark cloud followed me. I remember trying to draw strength from that dark cloud and only getting angry and frustrated and upset.
In today's litigious woke time the thought crossed my mind that I should file a lawsuit and sue for damages to my psyche. But I realize that I chose to read those comic strips. I ran to them and embraced them and absorbed them and made them part of me. To the point that as I finally woke up and realized that I didn't have to accept that feeling and that I wasn't Charlie Brown and that I had a great life and that I have a great life and that that dark cloud doesn't drive me all it does is drag me down. I realized and accepted that I had made choices and that it was my responsibility.
I am so very grateful that God woke me up and helped me accept who I am in him and how awesome my life has been, is, and will be.
After I woke up from all of that before and learned to love the way things are I now turn away when I see Charlie Brown and the gang. I chuckle and fondly remember the enjoyment that I had but I don't want to get infected with that thinking again.
If you ever wonder and want to learn more ask me and I'll share with you what I learned and how I got out from under that dark cloud.
