In my profession, it was important for things to happen at specific times. There were rules and guidance and deadlines and artificial time horizons for everything. And if you missed a deadline, there were consequences.
We had to re-coordinate. You had to get a new release time. You missed out on an opportunity. All sorts of things. So at home, when we would be getting ready or we would decide that we would go and do something, and my wife and I agreed on a departure time, I would tend to be ready five minutes before that departure time and have to wait.
Sometimes quite a long time. It led to many arguments and much frustration. But I finally came up with a question that helps me at least. Because when I ask somebody, "What time do you want to leave?", and they say "1 pm", I expect wheels to be rolling at 1 pm.
I feel so strongly about it that I actually started leaving my kids at home when I was driving them to school. I would tell them, I need you to be ready, and we're leaving at 8 .45 in the morning, or 7 .45 in the morning.
and they would be late and they would be late they would be late and I would yell at them and I would discuss it at the dinner table and we would punish because they were late. Finally I just started leaving and all of a sudden they were on time because there was an actual true in-the-real-world consequence to their being late.watching!
I couldn't really do that with my wife. I could, but I think it would create a lot more stress. And so, what I came up with is, instead of asking what time do you want to leave, if it's really not important to me whether we're on time or not, I ask her, what time do you want me ready?
And then if I agree to that time, I'm ready five minutes before that time and I wait. A simple change in mindset from an artificial deadline to what time do you want me ready? It helps a lot.
#strategy #mindset #adjust #harmony
