Sometimes I feel like I identify with characters and movies and stories so that I can explain why I am the way that I am. One that I've happened upon recently is identifying with Bruce the shark in the animated movie Finding Nemo.
I love that movie even though it's got the whole Disney sadness in it and people work from that place of sadness to a place of happiness. But as Nemo's dad makes his way with Dory to go and find and rescue his son, they meet these sharks that are having a shark anonymous meeting and it's like they're in a 12-step program trying to avoid eating fish.
That's kind of the way I feel when I meditate or when I try to go through those things that are supposed to help me stay calm and not react strongly or just not lose it. I feel like Bruce. I get that scent of blood in the water, or challenge in my face, and off I go.
I was trained and honed into a relentlessly driven performance machine that could solve everything so that it all turned out okay in the end every time. I did that through a lot of methods, and at times I did have to be emotional about it where that's frowned on now.
It actually works in the short term, which is where I lived most of my life in the short term. But I like that analogy because it encapsulates my experience. I don't like the analogy of being like Bruce because I'm not an addict and I don't look for opportunities to get upset, or at least I try not to.
It just happens. And my strategies of staying quiet and not saying anything fall apart when I'm in pain. I'll have to think through this a little bit more.
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